I'm afraid John F. Kerry will win the presidential election tomorrow. However, even the victory of a terrible candidate brings with it benefits to the nation, so if he wins tomorrow night, I won't kill myself or move to Canada as Democrat threaten to do if Bush wins again. Instead, I'll swear for a few minutes and then laugh it off as I acknowledge the positive aspects of a Kerry victory:

1. The populace will no longer see Heinz Corporation as a ketchup company, but as a corrupt multinational corporation stealing resources from third world countries.
2. The euphoria of the Democrats will fade and give way to the biggest disillusionment ever to suffer the Democrat Party, parallel with the shame a girl would feel with sleeping with a creep to make her ex-boyfriend jealous.
3. Whiney Democrats won't have excuses to bitch anymore.
4. A Republican victory will be inevitable in 2008.
5. Michael Moore will fade into obscurity.

It is possible the next four years will turn out well, but it won't be because of Kerry, who intends to damage the nation with his idiotic plans, such as reviving the economy with a tax increase (Although Democrats believe that more taxes lead to a stronger economy, citing Clinton's success, they completely fail to acknowledge the dot-com boom of the nineties because they either failed Economics in high school were baked then).

If Kerry wins, I'll accept it and not demand infinite recounts twisted to my favor, because besides ethics, I'll know he won't win another election, unless the Republican Party goes Democrat and elects some terrible Kerry-like candidate for 2008 since Republicans aren't as likely to settle with the lesser of two evils as Democrats are due to their higher standards and realization that the President doesn't have control over the entire nation.