In November, the ultimate battle between good and evil will take place. John F. Kerry, our Lord and Savior, will do battle with George W. Bush, the ultimat existence of evil, in an election that shall decide the future of humanity. If Bush wins, then the world will suffer four more years of relatively low unemployment, a Christian President with a Texan accent and wild daughters, ridicule by pompous European nations, and Michael Moore movies. A victory for Kerry will change all that...

Kerry promises to persuade the European nations to share the burden that is Iraq, even if France and Germany have already said that they will not do a damn thing to help us over there. It's also doubtful that Spain, Poland, and other countries that have left or are ready to leave Iraq will eagerly return under Bush's rule, but will be reluctant not to under Kerry's. By having European countries share the workload in Iraq, it will ease the burden on America. And even if the European countries rejected his request, which is unlikely, Kerry would still be able to ease the burden by removing the troops from the country. Meanwhile, Bush is single-handedly fighting a unilateral war in Iraq with the support of less than 75 nations, and he doesn't intend to leave for awhile.

Kerry will also end the terror that is terrorizing the world. Rather than treat terrorists like the enemy, he will work with them to reach an acceptable solution for them. Bush, on the other hand, will treat terrorism as a threat to deal that must be dealt with proactively. It's no wonder that terrorists attacked the World Trade Center in 2001. America has suffered more terrorism since the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan than we have before them.

Kerry also promises to revive the economy that Bush unilaterally destroyed. After four years of fumbling by Bush, the economy has not continued the booming trend that Clinton set in his terms. Not only is the unemployment rate as high as it was under Clinton's time in office, but since Bush entered office, hundreds of companies went out of business. You can thank Bush that you lost your cushiony job at World Trade Center, those sweet discounts from Pets.com, and your stock in Enron. Kerry will raise taxes for the wealthy in an effort to create more jobs, revitalize social security, ease the national debt, and fund the troops in Iraq, Afghanistan, and in the future, Sudan.

Kerry promises to bring integrity back into the White House... Just kidding about that one!

Although many questions still remain, the entire world knows that the defeat of Bush will bring a glorious victory of indeterminate change. That is why you must vote for Kerry in November. End Bush's reign of terror so that Kerry's reign of terror...uh...riffic rule may begin!