As many of you know from my "gay" fantasy, I often dream of being a woman. It
always seemed as though I'd have more fun as a member of the other gender.
Recently though, I realized something shocking: I am a woman! Unfortunately,
it's not as glamorous as I imagined...
Like a woman, I'm moody and obsessive. I have mood swings so violent that
they can only be described as PMS. It'd show like a zit on my writing if I wrote
more often, but I don't because my obsessive-compulsive behavior has me
transfixed on meaningless details of my life. Because of it, it takes a
considerable amount of effort to complete the most minute task just as it does
with all women!
If those were my only afflictions, it might be tolerable, but they aren't;
I'm also neurotic and melodramatic. The most insignificant and unintentional
action somebody infuriate me beyond rationality. I take everything personally
and explicitly express the pain I feel to the supposed culprits. They always act
as though they're taken off guard, which they are since they have done nothing
wrong, but I can't think clearly because I'm in such an emotional state, just
like women are all the time!
With such feminine traits, it's amazing that I'm still alive, but such misery
is not living. That is why I intend to turn around and undress myself of this
emasculated attire. I don't know what'll fix me, but I already do have some
ideas:
- Stop using Herbal Essences.
- Stop listening to Hilary Duff.
- Stop writing poetry.
- Start drinking beer.
- Increase the number of women I pork per week from one hundred to one
million.
Hopefully, such changes will result in a dramatic improvement. No longer will
I be bipolar like a woman, but instead will be grounded, determined,
intelligent, and reasonable just like a real man should be.